we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
