Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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