I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
