Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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