i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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