sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
