Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
