I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
