I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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