he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
