If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
