We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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