Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
