Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
