3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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