Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
