"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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