Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
