Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
