I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
