Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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