So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
