I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do vagina's smell?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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