Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize