toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I could fuck to npr.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
