so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
