Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
