Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
