The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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