O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
