OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
