I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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