youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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