so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
