i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
