My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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