yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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