people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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