I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
