You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
