Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
