just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
