So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
