i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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