He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
please don't ironically join a cult
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