What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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