we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
