..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
