Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
