legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
