I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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