I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
