Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
