this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
