break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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