My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
