so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
