So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you