So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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