Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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