Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.