I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.