whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings