Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
