she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
