I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
