his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize