sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
