If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
