There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
