what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
