would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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