I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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