What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
