Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
