just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
